Bumps and Bruises

It seems that every time I meditate on my relationship with God and His relationship to me I come back to the Potter and the clay analogy. The one in Isaiah 64:8 that says, "We are the clay, and You our potter, and we are all the work of Your hand." Wow, I am the work of His hand. You, friend, are the work of God's hand.

For the first several years of my life I was the lump clay who sought to mold myself into something I thought I wanted to be. I worked hard to become someone special. I tried to be everything I believed would make me happy, that would make me accepted. And after years of making, molding, pressing, and striving I still felt empty and useless.

You see, God is the potter, not me. He is the One who shapes me through life experiences, through His word, the input of others, education, family situations, and my distinct personality making me a vessel perfect for His use. All too often, though, I would not cooperate. All too often I, as the clay, had disliked what God was doing in my life and how He was doing it. I resisted and refused to be molded by the hand of my great Creator. I hardened myself to His prompting and became frustrated with what God was seeking to do in and with my life. "Will the thing formed say to Him who formed it, Why have You made me like this?" (Romans 9:20)

I've asked it. Frustrated with my frailties and insecurities I have shaken my fist before the Lord and asked, "Why did you make me like this? I hate who I am." Have you ever been there? Exhausted in trying to be something or someone you are not, have you looked to Heaven and questioned God's judgement in making you the way you are? Be honest. I know I don't stand alone in this. "Why? Why can't I be like him or her? Why can't I have their looks, money, talent? Why am I simply me?"

The Potter, however, is not finished. He waits for us to tire of our striving until we come to the point where we simply still ourselves before Him and allow Him to make us. I'm here. I'm on the Potter's wheel and His hands are gently forming me. After years of resisting, I find that allowing Him to mold me is not as hard as I feared. I'm actually finding peace in it. I can see this vessel taking shape. The vessel that is forming is not what I had envisioned for myself, but I see that it is a vessel of honor as it is for the King's use.

I'm amazed to realize, too, that God is using all of my past attempts to mold myself to build this vessel. Lessons I have learned, pains I have endured, none of it is going to waste. He's using all of me. What will the final piece look like? What exactly will it be used for? I can't say. I have certain dreams that I think He will incorporate into this work. I hope He will. I believe He has placed these dreams within this vessel so that He can fulfill them. Then I fear. What if it's not at all what I had hoped? Hope and fear, side by side. Joy and frustration each vying for a place in my heart. The struggle continues, but the work doesn't stop. The Potter tirelessly labors to pound this clay into something beautiful. And you, He pounds away making you as well.