I am my own person. I have particular likes and dislikes. I am talented in some areas and severely lacking in others. I look a certain way, react to situations in a certain way, and I move in a certain way. I struggle with particular fears, and I find great joy in many things. I have hopes and dreams. I want to be loved. I want to belong.
I am my own person, but in being such I do not want my individuality to distance me from the heart of my Father. I love my Savior, Jesus Christ, dearly. He is so good, so perfect, and so pure. His heart beats for His people and for the lost. Scripture says I cannot number His thoughts about me. My name is even written on the palm of His hand! I am important to Him. No one has loved me more. No one could ever love me more, for His heart beats for me.
I want to return that love. Because I know I hold great value in His eyes, I want Him to hold ultimate value in mine. I do not want Him to be an extra to a life I control. I don't want Him to be an after thought to choices I make. I want Him to be front and center; for my mind to meditate on Him day and night. I want Him to be made known through me.
I want my simple heart to beat in perfect rhythm with His as I become one with Him in thought and in action. I want to love what He loves and hate what He hates. I want what breaks His heart to break my heart just as much. I want to rejoice in what makes Him sing and to mourn over sin as I know His heart is grieved over our sin. I want there to be one heartbeat, His heartbeat, as my heart beats perfectly in time with His.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Priorities
Priorities are often the hardest things to manage. With so much pulling at us from many different directions, we often become confused with what is most important, with what needs to be done and what we need to let go. All of it seems so pertinent. Each demands our attention. How can we live this life and not become overwhelmed? That is a dilema I understand. It is exactly the subject God brought to mind on day four of my thirty-nine day journey.
I want so much to please everyone. I would say I am a "people pleaser". However, as I struggled to make my husband, five children, six pets, my mother, my church, my friends, strangers at the grocery store, and everyone else happy I found myself saying, "I feel like I have a bunch of plates spinning, and it is all I can do just to keep them from falling!" I was exhausted! God knew I couldn't do it anymore. He knew I wasn't created to do it all in the first place. I had to figure out not just who I am or what I am here to do, but also when is the right time for certain things to become priority in my life.
I know what is to be most important. I've studied scripture and listened to sermons. However, it doesn't all fall in to place like I'd like it to. I had to do some hard things. I had to say 'no' to some people. I had to refuse certain activities. I had to decide that I couldn't be responsible for how others would respond to my decisions. I needed to get my life under control. However, if it was ever to work, it had to be under the control of God.
Such a choice is not always popular. People don't understand. The world tells us that, as women, we can have and do it all. You want to know the unpopular truth? We can't. We aren't meant to. No one is, man or woman. We must step back, look at what is most important to God, and weed through the demands of our lives, casting aside the things that take our time and energy, yet fail to accomplish His good purpose.
As a married woman and mother I looked again at Titus 2:4-5. Young women are encouraged to first, love their husbands. After God, my husband is to be my top priority. I was created to be his help mate. I am to compliment him as he strives to do his work and be the best man he can be. Next I am to love my children. They must come second. They are so valuable and pliable. I cannot ignore these years given to me to mold them into godly young men and women. I understand that such priorities are considered old fashioned. They are taken from the Word written over two thousand years ago! It doesn't get more old fashioned than that! However, it works! These aren't simple suggestions. They are the perfect design for families that God, the creator of the family, has established. It would be foolishness to ignore such instruction.
As I began to weed out stresses that vied for my attention yet were not necessary, I began to feel much relief. I found I was able to do what I needed to do each day. I was succeeding! For so long I felt I was failing at everything. I couldn't keep up with all the demands. Now, I understand that certain demands are mine to handle and others aren't. I pray I will remember this each day.
I want so much to please everyone. I would say I am a "people pleaser". However, as I struggled to make my husband, five children, six pets, my mother, my church, my friends, strangers at the grocery store, and everyone else happy I found myself saying, "I feel like I have a bunch of plates spinning, and it is all I can do just to keep them from falling!" I was exhausted! God knew I couldn't do it anymore. He knew I wasn't created to do it all in the first place. I had to figure out not just who I am or what I am here to do, but also when is the right time for certain things to become priority in my life.
I know what is to be most important. I've studied scripture and listened to sermons. However, it doesn't all fall in to place like I'd like it to. I had to do some hard things. I had to say 'no' to some people. I had to refuse certain activities. I had to decide that I couldn't be responsible for how others would respond to my decisions. I needed to get my life under control. However, if it was ever to work, it had to be under the control of God.
Such a choice is not always popular. People don't understand. The world tells us that, as women, we can have and do it all. You want to know the unpopular truth? We can't. We aren't meant to. No one is, man or woman. We must step back, look at what is most important to God, and weed through the demands of our lives, casting aside the things that take our time and energy, yet fail to accomplish His good purpose.
As a married woman and mother I looked again at Titus 2:4-5. Young women are encouraged to first, love their husbands. After God, my husband is to be my top priority. I was created to be his help mate. I am to compliment him as he strives to do his work and be the best man he can be. Next I am to love my children. They must come second. They are so valuable and pliable. I cannot ignore these years given to me to mold them into godly young men and women. I understand that such priorities are considered old fashioned. They are taken from the Word written over two thousand years ago! It doesn't get more old fashioned than that! However, it works! These aren't simple suggestions. They are the perfect design for families that God, the creator of the family, has established. It would be foolishness to ignore such instruction.
As I began to weed out stresses that vied for my attention yet were not necessary, I began to feel much relief. I found I was able to do what I needed to do each day. I was succeeding! For so long I felt I was failing at everything. I couldn't keep up with all the demands. Now, I understand that certain demands are mine to handle and others aren't. I pray I will remember this each day.
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Restoration
This new year didn't begin so well for me. The first day of January I stayed in bed until 2:00 pm not wanting to face the day or life itself. I had made a fool of myself and was beating myself up relentlessly. This pattern was all too familiar. It was not the first time I had allowed myself to fall into a deep pit. Something had to change.
January second I found a quiet place to seek the Lord and to pour my heart out to Him. This time, however, I was most intent on hearing what He wanted to say to me. I knew some of it (ok, most of it) would be difficult to receive, but I was ready to be broken completely. So, I grabbed my Bible, a note pad, and a pen and went into the driveway to sit in the van. (We have a house full of people at all hours, so finding solitude within the walls of my home would be impossible.) I began to write. I simply allowed my thoughts to flow. Page after page I scribbled feelings, fears, questions, everything that came to mind. And when I finished I just sat. I sat and listened. In my spirit I heard His voice. I felt Him leading me to dedicate the next thirty-nine days to Him. I wondered if He wanted these days to be filled with fasting, however all I believed He was asking me to do was to give Him the next thirty-nine days.
Why thirty-nine days? Well, I'm thirty-nine and have lived with bad habits, thought processes, and attitudes since I can remember. A day for each year. God was seeking to restore me, to take the brokenness of this soul and bring complete healing. And the journey began.
For those of you who are most meticulous you have probably counted the days spanning from January second to find when this current journey would end. For those who are more like me, you are continuing to read knowing I will eventually get around to disclosing the information. February tenth. That's the day that ends this thirty-nine day journey. So why am I writing this before the days are completed. Because I have learned some things that I want to share with you; things that have allowed me to enjoy more of His peace.
The Lord first reiterated things I knew but couldn't seem to practice continuously. It all revolved around my mind. The mind is where battles are won and lost. That is why new testament authors command us to take control of our minds. We are to control our thoughts which in turn controls our actions. Until we master our own minds we cannot master our own behaviors. Each thought must be brought in for inspection to see if it can stand the test of God's word. Many of my thoughts couldn't. They had run wild causing me to develop feelings of low self esteem, anger, resentment, fear, loneliness, despair, and hopelessness. I couldn't continue to ignore my need to be responsible for my own mind.
"Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy, MEDITATE on these things." Phil. 4:8 (NKJ) For years I had recited these words to my children trying to help them overcome and even avoid the struggles I had endured. Yet I myself was unwilling to truly do what this verse said. Instead of thinking on the true, noble, just, pure, and lovely things I was thinking on how "stupid" I was, how I wished I could be someone else, how I hated my faults, and I meditated on the faults of others. God was telling me that it was time to stop living as a hypocrite and to start living by example the things I wanted my children to believe. No more excuses.
Do you struggle with obeying God's command to think on the things that are from Him? I think most of us do to some extent. If we are ever going to win the battle for our minds, we are going to have to commit to be obedient to all of His word no matter how hard it is. He would not tell us to do the impossible.
Tomorrow I will pick up with the second lesson God had for me. I can't wait to share it with you!
January second I found a quiet place to seek the Lord and to pour my heart out to Him. This time, however, I was most intent on hearing what He wanted to say to me. I knew some of it (ok, most of it) would be difficult to receive, but I was ready to be broken completely. So, I grabbed my Bible, a note pad, and a pen and went into the driveway to sit in the van. (We have a house full of people at all hours, so finding solitude within the walls of my home would be impossible.) I began to write. I simply allowed my thoughts to flow. Page after page I scribbled feelings, fears, questions, everything that came to mind. And when I finished I just sat. I sat and listened. In my spirit I heard His voice. I felt Him leading me to dedicate the next thirty-nine days to Him. I wondered if He wanted these days to be filled with fasting, however all I believed He was asking me to do was to give Him the next thirty-nine days.
Why thirty-nine days? Well, I'm thirty-nine and have lived with bad habits, thought processes, and attitudes since I can remember. A day for each year. God was seeking to restore me, to take the brokenness of this soul and bring complete healing. And the journey began.
For those of you who are most meticulous you have probably counted the days spanning from January second to find when this current journey would end. For those who are more like me, you are continuing to read knowing I will eventually get around to disclosing the information. February tenth. That's the day that ends this thirty-nine day journey. So why am I writing this before the days are completed. Because I have learned some things that I want to share with you; things that have allowed me to enjoy more of His peace.
The Lord first reiterated things I knew but couldn't seem to practice continuously. It all revolved around my mind. The mind is where battles are won and lost. That is why new testament authors command us to take control of our minds. We are to control our thoughts which in turn controls our actions. Until we master our own minds we cannot master our own behaviors. Each thought must be brought in for inspection to see if it can stand the test of God's word. Many of my thoughts couldn't. They had run wild causing me to develop feelings of low self esteem, anger, resentment, fear, loneliness, despair, and hopelessness. I couldn't continue to ignore my need to be responsible for my own mind.
"Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy, MEDITATE on these things." Phil. 4:8 (NKJ) For years I had recited these words to my children trying to help them overcome and even avoid the struggles I had endured. Yet I myself was unwilling to truly do what this verse said. Instead of thinking on the true, noble, just, pure, and lovely things I was thinking on how "stupid" I was, how I wished I could be someone else, how I hated my faults, and I meditated on the faults of others. God was telling me that it was time to stop living as a hypocrite and to start living by example the things I wanted my children to believe. No more excuses.
Do you struggle with obeying God's command to think on the things that are from Him? I think most of us do to some extent. If we are ever going to win the battle for our minds, we are going to have to commit to be obedient to all of His word no matter how hard it is. He would not tell us to do the impossible.
Tomorrow I will pick up with the second lesson God had for me. I can't wait to share it with you!
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
God's Work Through Depression
Recently I began writing what I thought would be an article I would submit to some local magazines. I felt the Holy Spirit leading me to address what God has taught me over my thirty-nine years. It all centers on depression and difficult circumstances. Funny I thought it would all fit into a small article. I now find myself writing yet another book. Here's an excerpt from the first chapter. I hope it brings you comfort and insight.
God's Work Through Depression
When faced with depression we often ask ourselves, “What is wrong with me?” I’ve come to understand that as a believer such a question is too simple, too hopeless. With an understanding of who God is and how He works the question should be restated as, “How can God use this to mold me and to glorify Himself?” When we begin to see depression as a tool in the hand of the Master, we can lean into the struggle and work with Him to bring about His masterpiece.
You see, trials, struggles, and pain do not have to destroy us. They can be used to aid us in our spiritual growth and maturity. When we grasp this truth, we can cease trying to relieve ourselves of the pain and learn instead how to master it, using it to cause us to be more in tune with and more aware of God’s activity in our lives.
One of the most quoted verses in the New Testament is Romans 8:28. “And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.” (Rom 8:28 NKJ) I can hear you quoting it from memory. You probably didn’t even have to read the verse did you? Now focus on this verse with me. The verse says that all things work together for good; not some things, not most things, but all things. I would have to conclude that depression would fall under the category of all things.
So we can be safe in saying, “depression works together for good.” I can hear the cringes of some of you. I’ll probably even read some very frustrated emails. Unfortunately many of us are convinced that God would never allow bad things into our lives. It’s blasphemy to think He would willingly allow us to hurt! Is it? Is it really? Let’s look at several Bible figures to see if this is true.
Genesis 45 brings about the climax in the life of a man named Joseph. He had experienced betrayal, slavery, false accusations, imprisonment, and being forgotten. He was hated by his brothers, accused of rape, and left in prison, forgotten by those who promised to help him. Yet, through all of this he leaned into God and continued to serve him. He did not rebel or give up. And as we pull back the curtain on this forty-fifth chapter of Genesis we see that his life has improved. Joseph has journeyed from the pit of despair to being second in command over Egypt. And now, as h e encounters his brothers, Joseph looks back over all he had endured and says, “So now it was not you (his brothers through their betrayal) who sent me here, but God.” (Genesis 45:8a NKJ) Do you remember how he got to Egypt? He was sold as a slave by his own family! Yet it wasn’t his family that brought him to Egypt but God! Later Joseph tells his brothers, “But as for you, you meant evil against me; but God meant it for good.” (Genesis 50:20 NKJ)
You see, what we deem to be unnecessary or even bad, God is using for our benefit. He is also using it for the benefit of others. He is building us into strong yet dependent believers - people who can walk through fire and come through such trials without even the smell of smoke. Which brings me to three young Hebrew men. We find their story in the third chapter of Daniel. We almost exclusively refer to them by their Babylonian names - Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-Nego. Those young men, though, were first named by their loving parents. Of Hebrew birth, they were given names that revealed the character of their God. Shadrach was originally named Hananiah, Meshach had been Mishael, and Abed-Nego carried the name Azariah before his captivity in Babylon. However, in their early teens these three boys were taken from their homes, their families, and all that was familiar to them and carried away to Babylon. Their they lost all their rights and freedoms as they became servants to Nebuchadnezzar, king of Babylon. I am sure we all would consider such a life event to be devastating to say the lease. Yet these young men refused to allow fear and uncertainty to master their behaviors or their faith in God. Instead they drew closer to Him and determined to remain faithful to Him no matter their feelings or their circumstances. Surely God would honor this!
But things took a turn for the worse. Day after day they watched as a large image was built nearby. Understanding the ways of their captors Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-Nego knew this statue was not a benign presence. They understood the image was being erected for the sole purpose of worship. The day came when they were commanded to worship the statue or face a painful death by being burned alive. Why would God allow this terrible thing to happen to these men who had remained faithful to Him? What could their deaths possibly prove?
Ah! But God’s plan was to use this seemingly useless struggle to prove Himself faithful. If Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-Nego had not determined to worship only their God, had they not been forced into the furnace of fire, they would not have experienced the very essence of God’s faithfulness. Nebuchadnezzar would never have realized that the God of these Hebrews was greater and stronger than any false god in Babylon! However, that is not all that was accomplished during this fiery trial. Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-Nego were promoted to prominent positions within the kingdom giving them more influence and more opportunities to make God known to pagan Babylonians. Our trials similarly have an effect. When we lean into God, trusting His sovereignty, we grow in Him. Others see our trials and acknowledge God’s faithfulness. And, we are promoted in our faith, moving from the faith of a newborn babe to the faith of a mature believer.
So, does God allow painful often confusing situations to come into our lives? Indeed. Has He allowed you and I to wrestle with depression? I have to say yes. In His sovereignty God has ultimate control over what situations touch us. He filters what touches our lives. He determines how it can be used for His glory and our growth.
God's Work Through Depression
When faced with depression we often ask ourselves, “What is wrong with me?” I’ve come to understand that as a believer such a question is too simple, too hopeless. With an understanding of who God is and how He works the question should be restated as, “How can God use this to mold me and to glorify Himself?” When we begin to see depression as a tool in the hand of the Master, we can lean into the struggle and work with Him to bring about His masterpiece.
You see, trials, struggles, and pain do not have to destroy us. They can be used to aid us in our spiritual growth and maturity. When we grasp this truth, we can cease trying to relieve ourselves of the pain and learn instead how to master it, using it to cause us to be more in tune with and more aware of God’s activity in our lives.
One of the most quoted verses in the New Testament is Romans 8:28. “And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.” (Rom 8:28 NKJ) I can hear you quoting it from memory. You probably didn’t even have to read the verse did you? Now focus on this verse with me. The verse says that all things work together for good; not some things, not most things, but all things. I would have to conclude that depression would fall under the category of all things.
So we can be safe in saying, “depression works together for good.” I can hear the cringes of some of you. I’ll probably even read some very frustrated emails. Unfortunately many of us are convinced that God would never allow bad things into our lives. It’s blasphemy to think He would willingly allow us to hurt! Is it? Is it really? Let’s look at several Bible figures to see if this is true.
Genesis 45 brings about the climax in the life of a man named Joseph. He had experienced betrayal, slavery, false accusations, imprisonment, and being forgotten. He was hated by his brothers, accused of rape, and left in prison, forgotten by those who promised to help him. Yet, through all of this he leaned into God and continued to serve him. He did not rebel or give up. And as we pull back the curtain on this forty-fifth chapter of Genesis we see that his life has improved. Joseph has journeyed from the pit of despair to being second in command over Egypt. And now, as h e encounters his brothers, Joseph looks back over all he had endured and says, “So now it was not you (his brothers through their betrayal) who sent me here, but God.” (Genesis 45:8a NKJ) Do you remember how he got to Egypt? He was sold as a slave by his own family! Yet it wasn’t his family that brought him to Egypt but God! Later Joseph tells his brothers, “But as for you, you meant evil against me; but God meant it for good.” (Genesis 50:20 NKJ)
You see, what we deem to be unnecessary or even bad, God is using for our benefit. He is also using it for the benefit of others. He is building us into strong yet dependent believers - people who can walk through fire and come through such trials without even the smell of smoke. Which brings me to three young Hebrew men. We find their story in the third chapter of Daniel. We almost exclusively refer to them by their Babylonian names - Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-Nego. Those young men, though, were first named by their loving parents. Of Hebrew birth, they were given names that revealed the character of their God. Shadrach was originally named Hananiah, Meshach had been Mishael, and Abed-Nego carried the name Azariah before his captivity in Babylon. However, in their early teens these three boys were taken from their homes, their families, and all that was familiar to them and carried away to Babylon. Their they lost all their rights and freedoms as they became servants to Nebuchadnezzar, king of Babylon. I am sure we all would consider such a life event to be devastating to say the lease. Yet these young men refused to allow fear and uncertainty to master their behaviors or their faith in God. Instead they drew closer to Him and determined to remain faithful to Him no matter their feelings or their circumstances. Surely God would honor this!
But things took a turn for the worse. Day after day they watched as a large image was built nearby. Understanding the ways of their captors Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-Nego knew this statue was not a benign presence. They understood the image was being erected for the sole purpose of worship. The day came when they were commanded to worship the statue or face a painful death by being burned alive. Why would God allow this terrible thing to happen to these men who had remained faithful to Him? What could their deaths possibly prove?
Ah! But God’s plan was to use this seemingly useless struggle to prove Himself faithful. If Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-Nego had not determined to worship only their God, had they not been forced into the furnace of fire, they would not have experienced the very essence of God’s faithfulness. Nebuchadnezzar would never have realized that the God of these Hebrews was greater and stronger than any false god in Babylon! However, that is not all that was accomplished during this fiery trial. Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-Nego were promoted to prominent positions within the kingdom giving them more influence and more opportunities to make God known to pagan Babylonians. Our trials similarly have an effect. When we lean into God, trusting His sovereignty, we grow in Him. Others see our trials and acknowledge God’s faithfulness. And, we are promoted in our faith, moving from the faith of a newborn babe to the faith of a mature believer.
So, does God allow painful often confusing situations to come into our lives? Indeed. Has He allowed you and I to wrestle with depression? I have to say yes. In His sovereignty God has ultimate control over what situations touch us. He filters what touches our lives. He determines how it can be used for His glory and our growth.
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